I am old.

For the second (2nd) time this week, I am reminded that I am past thirty which apparently means your boobs will droop two (2) inches you go to bed before 9:30 pm on a Friday night. And blog about it (and about cat balls).

Stalked

Instead of Lucky Lou magically bonding with deer at the cabin, she sees this duder out the window and wishes she could toss some rocks at him:

I’ve made an appointment to get his balls lopped off and all that jazz at the Humane Society. I don’t think it will make a huge difference in his persistence though. He does make a good watch dog. Also his tail nubbin is fun to pet. If you would like to adopt him, send me $130 and I’ll have yer mama pick him up. I can be almost as persistent as he is.

Dear Ladies at the Temp Job,

I smell your poo all day. I know this is because I sit across from the ladies room, but damn, really it’s because y’all’s poo is quite stanky. What are you people eating for heaven’s sake?

Today I put a little typed anonymous note above the light & fan switches that simply said, “Please Leave the Fan ON.” Thanks for leaving the fan on all day (well, since 10 am which is when I got the brilliant idea because I remembered the regular poo times are from 10 am until 1 pm apparently).

Although the fan helps, the smell still lingers. I just wanted you to know I’m actually smelling your poo. Because didn’t you know that when you smell something, you are actually smelling the particles from whatever it is? In this case, your poo particles.

Anyway, maybe don’t eat red meat or something kthanks,

Temp Sexetary

Tempwhorary Employment

Wherein I earn like $1.50 per hour at a temp job after nearly seven (7!) months of being plagued by divorce, moving, snow, cats, cocktails, moving, cats, unemployment, and bud light. Hi, I’m lame.

On the Mend

In my fever-induced state, I developed a crush on Bret Michaels. Dear Rock of Love: Womanizing, empty, and mildly entertaining. Help me.

(source: google images search 03/2008, http://realityrollcall.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/bret.jpg)