Dear Stray Kittens,

I have left the wood momentarily to rehabilitate yer azzes. We rescued your sister/cousins last year, of which I currently sleep in between at night and taunt by day, and finally captured your whore mom and the three of you. I was called back to Seattle due to overwhelming numbers and yes I own the Crazy Lesbian Cat Lady title people snicker about. Do you want a piece of me?

It is dangerous to enter the house of divorce only 5 weeks later and although there are 8 cats and 2 dogs, there is/are also cable internet and good happy hours. I guess I’ll do anything for kittens, like yer mama.

If only I was smart enough to get grants to chill with you and a toy mouse on a string,

Auntie